Can I get my morning back?

So where's the last place you expect to find a skittish bride who suffers from Cootie Phobia???

FILENE'S BASEMENT on March 18, 2011

I know, what was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn't really thinking. Cause if I'd really sat down and thought about it, there should have been no way in the world that I would have even been within half-a-kuntry-mile of Buckhead much less in da midst of the madness! Particularly since in my pre-betrothal days I have scoffed and sneered at the mere notion of participating in such foolishness. I got 99 problems but risking a limb for a dress ain't one! So how in da world did I end up on Peachtree that lone Spring morn???

I'm nosey! Pure and simple. I'll not have another chance in life to witness this firsthand so I felt compelled to seize the day!

I will say that my MOH and I had already planned to take the day off for a leisurely jaunt to NashVegas to kick-off a dear friend's Surprise Baby Shower weekend extravaganza. Since we had the day before us, we agreed to just stop by Filene's just in case we found a winner on the racks. After reading a few posts online, we agreed to:

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  Not camp out. I'm only willing to do so if my beloved VOLS are at the end of that rainbow.


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  Wait until the frenzy calmed down. Again - risking a limb for a dress just ain't prudent.


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  Not stress about the venture. Nuff said.

So we sat out with an extra buddy in tow for good luck and stepped into the jungle.

WOW. ARE YOU SERIOUS? DOES THAT GIRL HAVE ON A GOLD LAME BIKINI? DID SHE JUST BEND OVA & SHOW ME ALL OF HER BEEZWAX? ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE THESE CHICKS REALLY WALKING AROUND IN THEIR DRAWLS???

WHAT IS THAT SMELL!?!?!?!

To say this was a disappointmet is an understatement. To say this may be one of the most overhyped, sensationalized, mismanaged and dare I say sexist displays of the wedding biz taking us for granted may be a bit dramatic but I submit the following to support my case.

First - Most of the gowns were totally old styles. I saw ONE chick, count 'EM, UNO who had two cute dresses that I actually would have considered buying. I saw far more ladies walking around desperatly seeking some of the more recent styles. So the BIG mark down was somewhat suspect. Those gowns SHOULD have been on sale! And "low" was a relative term. I heard one chick exclaim "This is a $6000 dress for $400!" Really? Would that dress really retail for $6000 today? And are you happy cause you "found" a $5600 coupon or because that is the dress you've been dreaming about?

Second - It's set up to encourage chaos. The gowns are not arranged by size or style. So apparently the girls just ran in there smashing and grabbing as many gowns as they could. Once loaded down, they started bartering which quickly took an ugly turn. Gals were sitting on stockpiles of dresses that they had NO intention of buying. But the were "theirs" and you couldn't touch them for fear of a beatdown. It was sooo pre-K. And chicks were stripping down to next to nothing all out in the middle of the floor completely disregarding our Southern sensibilities. AND since many of them had camped out, the place was funky!

Third - With all of this nonsense, the gowns were getting ABUSED! As the morning wore on, folks were just piling gowns up on the floor, not bothering to hang them properly, dragging them around or worse just walking right over them! I tried on 3 dresses and all were torn in some fashion.

Fourth - As we bid our adieus, we saw two chicks "posing" with their gowns. Both had purchased some standard issue gowns that they could have easily scored from David's Bridal while wearing clean underpants! So that got our merry bunch of three pondering what we'd just witnessed. Did some Brides take the plunge simply because they got caught up in the hoopla? By chance did they feel obligated to leave with a bag having wasted their friends' time with the camp out? Did any of the Buying Brides have remorse later and end up buying a 2nd gown under saner circumstances? I know my head's always clearer after my morning shower.

Fifth - On our way to breakfast, we saw 3 or 4 groups of girls (in their FB matching T's) heading into Demetrios' Bridal on Piedmont. Clearly, they didn't get lucky either.

I rest my case. www, you be the judge!

S3...SSH